Graduation rates plummet due to overbearing parents

Admissions officers at Stanford University are witnessing an unprecedented problem: after writing their children’s application essays, parents are attempting to enroll themselves in the place of their kids.

Betty Dout, mother of an admitted Stanford student, brought attention to a widespread plagiarism epidemic. Mrs. Dout and her daughter, Stressa Dout, declined to be interviewed in the same room.

“I wrote my daughter’s essay,” Mrs. Dout said. “Now, I want to reap the rewards.”

Incoming freshman Stressa Dout disagreed.

“First of all, she’s forty years old,” she said.

In response to the issue, Stanford is considering implementing a new option to the admission process: dual enrollment for parents and students. Students have expressed hesitance with regards to sharing their dorm rooms with their parents.

“That could lead to some...er...complications,” incoming freshman Gette Leighed said.

After following up six months later, the staff learned that Dout has failed her English class and will no longer be graduating in the spring of ‘21. She plans to move back in with her parents.  

Posted on May 24, 2018 .