Injuries inflicted upon students by bathroom doors

The cause of an increased number of students injuries has been traced to the doors of the F-building bathrooms.

“The F-building bathroom door is really heavy.” junior Wayne Bruce said. “The F-building bathroom is like pushing a boulder up a hill. I actively avoid going to the F-building bathroom. I even force myself to go into the shady, juul infested C-building bathroom, just so I can avoid straining my body with the F-building door.”  

An experiment conducted independently by the Burlingame B showed that an average classroom door requires approximately five pounds of force to keep open. However, the F-building bathroom door exceeded the reading range of the Burlingame B’s force meter.

The heavy door has not only taken a toll on the students’ physical health, it also has diminished the number of able-bodied students on the school sports teams.

“I’ve lost about half of my athletes,” the school cricket coach Adam Keynes said. “I’ve told my remaining athletes to avoid the F-building bathroom as a result. If they don’t want to get injured, they should go to the C or A-building bathrooms.”

Many students have followed Keynes's advice, but the influx of students in the other bathrooms fas lead to other health problems, including minor concussions as a result of students being hit in the head by doors.

“I was in the C-building bathroom, and it was extremely crowded,” Jane Ayer said. “I was standing next to the door waiting in line, and I put my head down so I could blow my Juul vapor into my shirt so that I wouldn’t give others lung cancer. But while the top of my head was exposed, someone burst through the door, and my head was smacked by the opening door.”

Ayer was sent to the emergency room, where he was diagnosed with a minor concussion.

“The concussion actually made me forget about juuling,” said Ayer.

Posted on May 24, 2018 .