“New year, new me.”

Ever heard that before? It’s the same old promise we make year after year on Jan. 1 as we make a list of our self-improvement resolutions. But I think the laudable objectives we create for the coming year have the opposite effect.

Whether it is a promise to finally clean our bedroom, come to school on time, minimize our screen time or not to fail the next Spanish test, we are constantly vowing to improve. But when the new year comes around, that impulse to change is far more intense. We feel obligated to look back on the previous year and reflect on our achievements and failures. Consequently, we fall victim to the long-standing tradition of New Year’s resolutions. 

Before unpacking this issue any further, let me start by saying that I don’t think New Year’s resolutions are inherently problematic. The initial concept behind these objectives was to establish a designated time in the year during which we could aspire for improvement and set the necessary goals to accomplish that.

However, over the years, I have developed a love-hate relationship with New Year’s resolutions. On one hand, his annual tradition encourages people to strive for better. As a turning point, the new year presents us the perfect opportunity to establish objectives directed towards correcting some of our shortcomings. 

But when the resolutions we create for ourselves become more and more challenging, they reach a point where the objective simply becomes unattainable. 

For instance, suppose that you resolve to quit drinking coffee because of your unhealthy caffeine habit. Motivated to fulfill this goal, you completely stop drinking coffee rather than slowly working up to your objective — perhaps, drinking coffee just  once a day, then step-by-step moving towards once a week and so on. The majority of us opt for an all-or-nothing approach with our New Year’s resolutions, and it often doesn’t result in the desired outcome. Over time, the resolution becomes unsustainable, and you resume drinking coffee again. Before you know it, you’re back at square one.

Fast-forward to the end of the year. Instead of celebrating with your family and friends, making the most out of the last day of the year, you find yourself stuck with a sinking feeling of defeat. Failing to achieve these impossible goals leaves us disappointed in ourselves. 

Committed to trying harder and doing better this year, we commit to an even more difficult goal. The cycle of unrealistic resolutions continues —  we resolve, fail, feel bad about it and are compelled to create a more ambitious (and more unrealistic) resolution. We never stop to think that the New Year’s resolutions might be the very thing making us disillusioned and frustrated..

The way to get rid of this feeling is simple — it all comes down to how you make your New Year’s resolutions, and it’s not too late to try a new approach. To put together the perfect New Year’s resolution, you need a specific, attainable goal and a step-by-step approach to get there.

For instance, let’s say that you have promised yourself that you will exercise more in the new year. Instead of buying a gym membership and aiming for a two-hour workout every day (and actually ending up never going), try to set smaller, easier goals for yourself. You can commit to going running once a week in January. If you’re successful, move on to twice a week for February. Before you know it, you’ll have reached your original goal. 

It is crucial to understand that resolutions are most effective when they aim for steady progress, not one extreme goal on a checklist. Resolutions are about growing as a person, so make sure to commit to resolutions that you are interested in and find rewarding. The new year gives us the opportunity to improve on a specific aspect of ourselves — don’t waste that on unattainable promises.